I was introduced to a book about relationships a few years back. Now, as an avid learner in the field of self-help, I must admit I've never read any book about relationships before. So rather reluctantly I read through the whole book and it opened up my eyes!
I would dare say if there is only one book about relationships that you're going to read this year, it should be this - "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr Gary Chapman.
What Is It About?
In this book, Dr Chapman who's a counsellor noticed that everyone has a love language, which is the primary way for them to express and perceive love. Some people might show their love in a different way than us.
Why is this important? Because if we fail to learn their love language and dismiss whatever love gestures that they do for us, we'll hurt them very badly as they feel that their love has been rejected. He goes on to say that if we are able to speak to our spouse/partner in their native love language, they'll feel loved and vice versa. Thus, came the concept of the 5 love languages.
Why is this important? Because if we fail to learn their love language and dismiss whatever love gestures that they do for us, we'll hurt them very badly as they feel that their love has been rejected. He goes on to say that if we are able to speak to our spouse/partner in their native love language, they'll feel loved and vice versa. Thus, came the concept of the 5 love languages.
What Are The 5 Love Languages?
1) Words of Affirmation
This language involves the use of words such as giving encouragement, compliment and appreciations to demonstrate love. Simple kind compliments such as "You look great in that suit" or "I love your cooking" will make their day and make them feel loved. Mind you, the harsh words that we use towards those whose love language is words of affirmation can be devastating.
This language involves the use of words such as giving encouragement, compliment and appreciations to demonstrate love. Simple kind compliments such as "You look great in that suit" or "I love your cooking" will make their day and make them feel loved. Mind you, the harsh words that we use towards those whose love language is words of affirmation can be devastating.
2) Quality Time
Those who speak this language will feel loved when we spend time together with them in a quality companionship. Spending time together means more than physically near to one another. It is about paying our undivided attention to our spouse, engaging in quality heart-to-heart talks as well as doing quality activities together. Having a candlelight dinner in a luxurious restaurant while playing your smartphones is NOT a quality time activity
Those who speak this language will feel loved when we spend time together with them in a quality companionship. Spending time together means more than physically near to one another. It is about paying our undivided attention to our spouse, engaging in quality heart-to-heart talks as well as doing quality activities together. Having a candlelight dinner in a luxurious restaurant while playing your smartphones is NOT a quality time activity
3) Gifts
Some people like to give and receive gifts. If any of your friends or even your spouse are one of them, their love language could be gifts. The gifts need not be expensive. Thoughtful gifts be it free or expensive could make them feel secure and loved. Do take note that when these people give you gifts, accept it with appreciation and gratitude. It's their way of showing love. Do NOT brush it off by saying "Oh, you don't have to give me any gift" or "I've a lot of those already so please keep it".
4) Physical Touch
This goes beyond just sex. A simple hug or hand-holding when conveys love to those who speak this language. A gentle body-to-body brush when you pass by your spouse, playing footsie under the table and giving them a massage speaks volume here. Physical abuse is a big NO-NO to them.
5) Act of Service
I was a bit shocked when I first found out about this love language. There are people out there who feel love when they are being served. I thought they are being demanding, but it turns out this is how they communicate love. This includes doing the laundry, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage and whatever that feels like work or chore for the rest of us who don't speak this language. However, it's important to know that these are how they communicate love so do try to learn and understand.
I was a bit shocked when I first found out about this love language. There are people out there who feel love when they are being served. I thought they are being demanding, but it turns out this is how they communicate love. This includes doing the laundry, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage and whatever that feels like work or chore for the rest of us who don't speak this language. However, it's important to know that these are how they communicate love so do try to learn and understand.
What Is Your Love Language?
How about yourself? Can you identify with any of the 5 love languages stated above? Do try to learn and understand the love language of one another to build a healthy and happy relationship together. Those couples who are happy are those who has their love tank being filled according to their respective love language.
To find out what is your love language, take the assessment here.
p/s: Kids have love language too. So try to NOT dismiss them when they give you a handmade card or drawing which looks like nothing. Be careful also with the words we use and for those children who speak the love language of physical touch, do not physically abuse them. The damage that has been done in their early childhood (because of our ignorance) might affect them in future.
You can get the book below.
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